wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
