You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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