he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize