I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
