There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
