The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
