My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
