im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
