You work out of a Hotel?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
