They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
