I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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