Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
