In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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