The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
