hotel room ftw
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
