My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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