there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
