also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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