He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
3 2 1 whiskey
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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