I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
