i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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