i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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