I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
