that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
