Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize