I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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