Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
