I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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