dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
