There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
