Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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