May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Randomize
