Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
