i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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