I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
