Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's the barista slut.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
