very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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