also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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