the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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