he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
