well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
