White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
