Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize