there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
