Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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