So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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