I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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