Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
