Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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