before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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