we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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