i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
