Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize