Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
