If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
