Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
