Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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