It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize