Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm having to shit out rocks
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