Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
