Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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