Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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