I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
