I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
