I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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