i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
